THE HECK THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

Seriously, pal, what the heck is going on here? It's like a shitstorm of crazy, and I'm just trying to figure out it all. Is this even real life? This whole thing is driving me insane. Can someone please give me the lowdown before I lose it? What In The Crap?! Dude, this is totally ridiculous. I'm freaking right now. It's like a monkey just pu